Reel Shorts | Miss March

13 03 2009

2009_miss_march_001

Super-Duper BAD!

After what seems like a lifetime watching movies, it is the rare occasion when I’m stunned and completely at a loss for words. After watching the uber-offensive “Miss March,” my only thought was why and how this crude, unimaginative movie was made in the first place.

Two childhood best friends, the straight-as-an-arrow, Eugene (Zac Cregger) and his outrageously rambunctious doofus buddy, Tucker (Trevor Moore) bond despite their opposite views on sex. Believing on saving himself for someone special, Eugene and his girlfriend of two and a half years, Cindi (Raquel Alessi) decide that they will make the beast with two backs after the prom. But before he can consummate the relationship, he takes some bad drinking advice from Tucker and the next thing he knows he has fallen down a flight of steps and plunges into a four-year coma.

Awaken by a baseball bat to the skull, Eugene quickly realizes that not only has he lost four years of his life, but his father and more importantly Cindi. Time has only made Tucker more of a loser who has now in a relationship with a girl, Candance (Molly Stanton) who beat him down and threatened him bodily harm for teasing her about her epileptic seizures. After celebrating their 13-month relationship, let’s just say things take a turn for the worse when Tucker kidnaps his best friend and bolts for Los Angeles to hook up with Eugene’s old flame who is now Playboy Magazine’s Miss March – with a pissed off Candance hot on his heels after he stabbed her in the head with a fork while she was performing fellatio and went into an epiletic seizure!

Along the way on their road trips, the muscular atrophy suffering Eugene and Tucker encounter angry firefighters from coast-to-coast, a foul-mouth rapper who’s name is animal anatomy and a pair of over-indulgent lesbians who can’t keep their hands off of each other.

Where “Superbad” brilliantly covered most of the territory that this disaster tries to mine, it is a tribute to the genius of Judd Apatow that his story flows so effortlessly while this garbage rumbles on unmercifully from scene-to-scene. Even Apatow alum, Craig Robinson will be at a lost to explain his participation in this disaster.

Directed, written and starring both leads Cregger and Moore, it’s clear the two have found nothing sacred or off limits offending women, African and Hispanic Americans, the disabled and firefighters. Their onscreen acts are as vile as they are juvenile including scenes where are  women flying out of windows, poop exploding everywhere, and poor school children are given a visual demonstration of veneral disease.

While I thought that Jamie Kennedy’s “Kickin’ It Old Skool” was the floor for offensive comedy, it appears that I owe him an apology for what arguably may be the worst film that I have seen in my almost four decades of watching films. By the time that Playboy founder Hugh Hefner expoundes on the “ugly girl” that got away, one wonders why all of this nonsense was necessary in the first place!

Grade: F+

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13 03 2009
Reel Reviews - “Witch Mountain” | “Last House” « FilmGordon

[…] we constantly assault the decisionmakers in Tinseltown about their lack of originality (see “Miss March“), this week in theaters filmmakers went back to the future for two stories with roots in the […]

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